The history of gay marriage supposedly goes something like this: in the beginning, gay people were horribly oppressed. Then came the 1970’s, where gays—all of whom looked like the men of the Village People—were able to live openly and have a lot of sex. Then, in the 1980s, many gay people died of AIDS—because they had too much sex in the 1970s. This taught them that gay sex is bad. The gays who were left realized the importance of stable, monogamous relationships and began to agitate for marriage and the 1000+ benefits it would bring. Soon, in the very near future, with the help of supportive, marriage straight people—-and President Obama—gays will gain marriage rights in all 50 states, and they will then be as good and productive as everyone else