New ink done by Katie Lumberg at Holeshot tattoos in Amherst, Ma.
Today I was offered a job interview while drinking a beer. He also asked my preferred gender. I told him, “I’m a queer trans-woman.”
Queer Desire and Dating: Poly and Monogamous Fluidity
Queer.
Queer.
Queer.
My close friend and I probably drop this word in relation to our everyday lives and dating experiences, partners, sweeties, lovers, and casual encounters 5 times a minute-I’m not actually counting, but it seems as that. We have a super astrological dynamic of a pisces, she/her, they/them, to me, a leo she/her. As friends, I always love and find true relationships to be the kind where time is in nostalgia. We could be far away, in different rooms, or across the country, and in this period we can always return to each other and pick up our temporal time—essentially what we conceive as relationship where we left off.
We talk amongst one another about dating. Dating, dating, and dating. Western Mass has been an evolving fluid experience to who we are seeing, and what we decide to do with our time. Earlier this past week, my friend and I were sitting in a coffee shop restless on little sleep, and stress from finals week of school. We arrived on the topic of dating and how hard it is to date. I was an acting as an active-listener/supporter to help guide her experience and to help understand her own challenges in queer dating.
I always tell her it is: Relationships involve a compromise. Relationships are hard, poly or monogamous, they involve the constant collective negotiation of hearts, desires, and trust.
What occurred to myself as always being poly for the longest time, was the challenge of looking for politically on point queers related to us, that were not nerdy or blaind, but edgy. Now, I want to clarify using the term edgy as a form of attitude, politics, and crass demeanor. I want to point out to my working fluid understanding and definition of edgy as fierce witchy-ness. The ability to queer spaces alone by one’s existence, to queer time, and to queer merely as existing, acts as a continuum of queer time and space. To be a beacon light for queers who are visible with various intersections and privileges to maintain an out status out of the closet holds to me the power of being real.
This was my friend’s type and desire in making connections and building a relationship with another person who’s compatible with them.
As we were continuing this conversation, I came to realize they wanted an queer monogamous long-term partner, in addition to attributes explained above. My head was in a mental stump. To my knowledge and experience I didn’t remember off the the top of my head queer minded, radical political acting queer monogamous dating.
We did our best to deconstruct the situation together with permission and tried to grasp at the root why is that. Why. Maybe because there can be only so many queers in Western Mass. Perhaps we are intense people who are picky? Feelings that may seem subjective, regardless, they had real emotions which I could validate.
I returned back to what I told them about relationships. What does a relationship to mean? How do I act on my desire? Does desire always equate to love? Are you happy and content with your own life?
There are some questions I had while talking with my friend and drinking coffee. My speedy mannerisms and nails painted black index finger pressed on temple….
Hmmmmmmm…..
Queers.
